I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
