It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
