Got a toothbrush?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
