she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So many bounce houses so little time
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
