today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
