Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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