seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
third nipple confirmed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
