New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
