I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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