As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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