He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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