talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
