As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
