She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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