I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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