So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
