Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
