i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
