i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
