I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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