That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
