I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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