i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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