Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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