I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
