our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
