Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
