I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
