1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
