I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
