so that wasnt chicken after all
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
