You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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