he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
