needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
