we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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