Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
