hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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