think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize