i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
