I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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