I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
