no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
