At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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