Got a toothbrush?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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