watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
