I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Enjoy the penises
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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