sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
