Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
