Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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