Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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