So drunk its hurt
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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