Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
