that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
