So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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