I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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