He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Drunk is not a location!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
