"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
