You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
