You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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