their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think I am morally bankrupt
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize