i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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