me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
