My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
