I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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