drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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