walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
