just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
