You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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