i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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