I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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