i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
