fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
