it hurts more in the daytime
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
