I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
