Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
