the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
