To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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