Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We need a shit load of segways right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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