why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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