Umm I'm too high to move.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
