Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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