Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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