I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
