just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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