I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
