Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
