Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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