HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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