I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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