I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
