I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
