That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
