bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
