Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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