I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Alive.
So much puke
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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