ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
