Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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