Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
