I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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