hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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