another moral hangover. fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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