I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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