the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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