come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
