All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
