two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
